ASK RUSTY

Once again here’s your opportunity to ask for the wisdom, insight and foresight of Rusty. Your questions and my answers will be posted here on this page for all to enjoy (Names will be withheld to protect the not so innocent). You’ll be sure to get a thought-provoking and perhaps controversial answer to all of your questions. That or I’ll come back with some hackneyed phrase or just steal a movie quote that may be too obscure for anyone to even recognize. To get your question answered, simply fill out the form below to be taken to a world where enlightenment comes for free

Jason: I really need a backup Tight End; do you have any suggestions?

Russ: Not judging your question. Word on the street is that your Tight End is simply fine. That said, after doing some canvassing (I’m not in a position to judge), I was assured that these would be excellent tight ends: Bradley Cooper, Channing Tatum, Henry Cavill, Matt Bomer and if you don’t mind a bit of wear, Nathan Lane.

Sam: Do you think they could put a little Sherlock Holmes hat on the dog, maybe give him a little pipe?

Russ: I’ll answer your question with a question. How much weight do you think I could bench press?

Susan: Rusty, will Hop Sing be making the German potato salad this year? I heard a rumor.

Russ: Rumors, Rumors, Rumors! It’s like the Batman episode I watched last weekend where there were rumors of flying saucers and little green men running around Gotham City (Ellen Corby was in it. How she didn’t win an Emmy for her role, I’ll never know). As it turned out, it was all true! The Joker built the saucer so that he could rule the planet and demand whatever he wanted. As he gleefully captained his contraption, I was really impressed by his knowledge of aerodynamics, electronic energy transfer, propulsion, and ultimately, human nature. It made me wonder why he turned to crime in the first place. Given the right circumstances, he might have become a productive member of society leading to all of us having our own little saucers, with which one of us could have rescued Matt Damon when he was presumed dead on Mars. Alone…he was so alone. Oh, yeah, Hop Sing died in 1980 so he won’t be making the German potato salad.

Ben: Will you have malort?

Russ: Yes, you will find it in a darkened corner of the offset garage behind the Boukha, Carrulim, Korn, Tuzemák and the tray of Yorshes. I have to stop now. I just threw up in my mouth a little.